Everyone says it “You have to learn to sit with your emotions” but what the heck does that mean and how the heck do we do it!? In this article we’ll talk about
What sitting with our emotions means
How our emotions get stuck sometimes
What to do when that happens
The phrase “sit with your emotions” is a bundled term. Which means it has so many possible meanings that it ends up not meaning anything. So let’s unbundle it.
The “Chakra Network”
I know for a lot of people chakras can be a little woo woo. For the sake of what I’m writing here it doesn’t matter if you believe in chakras or not. If you do, great! But if not just think of it as an analogy to explain the concept of “sitting with your emotions.”
Here is an image from the classic anime Naruto that shows their version of what the Chakra Network looks like. As you can see it flows all throughout the body. The way that I think about emotions is that when they are functioning in a healthy way they flow in and out of this system.
Think about all the things that we experience on a day to day basis. The vast majority of them just flow right through us not really making an impression. And even the things that do have an emotional impact on you often times will dissipate over time. Or in other words it may take a little bit longer to flow through the system but will eventually pass through.
There are even things that we can do that help emotions flow through your system:
Sleep: So many clients that I work with have the experience that if they have had a really awful day, when they wake up the next morning, they feel better.
Crying: After people cry they often tell me they feel lighter. Their emotions have flowed through their chakra network and exited their system.
Talking about it: Talking things out is one of the ways to help those emotional blockages. If you’d like to explore this further, I’d be happy to offer a free, no-pressure call to help get things moving.
People often say that emotions fluctuate. The reason why is because there is a constant in and out flow as we go through our lives. So the idea of “sitting with your emotions” means that if we literally wait long enough the emotion will flow out of our system.
But What Happens When They Don’t?!
Now sometimes when I work with clients they have been stuck with an emotion for years! So what the heck is going on in that case? You know how sometimes people getting clogged arteries and it causes all sorts of problems because it blocks the blood from flowing where it needs to? It’s exactly the same in the chakra system. And it actually happens in a very similar way.
With a clogged artery gook slowly accumulates over time and calcifies until eventually blood cannot pass through it. The same thing happens in our chakra networks except that instead of physical gook it’s emotional gook. What I see over and over again is that people have had some particularly powerful emotional event or a series of emotional events that built up in their system until it was too big to “pass” by normal means.
As an example, one thing that I see with clients all the time is that when they were a kid their parents (unintentionally usually) made them feel like they had to perform in order to be loved. If they didn’t get that A on the test or if they didn’t do all their chores like they were supposed to then they were bad and wrong. And by having that reinforced over and over again it builds up in their system until it creates a blockage. They cannot simply wait for that emotion to pass because it has gotten lodged in their system.
Who do you know that struggles to “sit with their emotions” or “unclog” them? Help spread mental health by sending this to them
How Do I Unlodge It?
So the natural next question is “Okay how do I unlodge it.” Let’s use another physical analogy to explain this. Our bodies do things to try to help us all the time. A great example of this is swelling. When we are injured our body will often swell because it’s sending more blood to that part of the body to try to help it. But often times this swelling actually causes problems like causing more pain or limiting our mobility. The same thing is true in our chakra network. The reason that blockage gets created is because our minds are trying to protect us from having to go through more pain.
So in the example I gave the reason that clients constantly chase achievement is to avoid the pain of people being disappointed in them. Which makes perfect sense because that’s what happened to them constantly when they were growing up. The way that we can “unclog” a part of our chakra network is by teaching our mind that things can be different. When I help clients to stop chasing achievement for a moment and they see that nothing horrible happens it starts to allow that emotional energy to soften and flow out of their system.
Action Items:
This is one of the processes I walk my clients through that helps them to feel lighter, happier, and more at peace:
When you feel an uncomfortable emotion instead of trying to fix it or distract yourself from it try literally just waiting for it to pass.
Identify what clogs you have. You will know what they are by the length of time they have lingered in your system
Once you have identified a clog think about a small thing that you could do that would feel uncomfortable but safe to help your system know that it is safe. Here are some examples I commonly see with clients:
Perfectionism and Achievement
At work, complete a task to “good enough” rather than going above and beyond. For example, if you usually stay late to perfect every detail of a project, leave when your shift ends.
Guilt Over Saying No
Say no to a small request, like declining to take on an extra task at work or turning down an invitation to an event that doesn’t serve you.
Fear of Rejection in Relationships
Share a small, personal detail about yourself with someone close to you (something that feels a little uncomfortable but safe). For example, tell a friend or partner about a worry or insecurity you have.
Hopefully this has helped to unbundle the term “sitting with your emotions” and given you some ideas on what to do when sitting with your emotions doesn’t quite cut it.
My goal in sharing this is to help you—the person reading this. So here is an opportunity for you to tell me what clicked for you, what didn’t, and what you would like help with in the future:
Just wanted to give a little shoutout to
who inspired this article. She is currently writing a fantastic series on how she incorporates chakras into her healing practice and I highly recommend checking it out.