Shame Alchemy: How to Turn Insults Into Power
There’s a pattern I’ve started to notice—one that allows people to transform something shameful into something powerful. I call it shame alchemy.
Let me show you what I mean.
There’s an anime called Kakegurui. The premise is that everyone in the school gambles, and how well you gamble determines your rank. If you fall too low, you get labeled as a “house pet”—a name meant to humiliate you.
At one point, the main character, Yumeko Jabami, becomes a house pet. Her classmates start teasing her, expecting her to shrink or feel embarrassed. But she does the opposite. She leans into it. She starts acting like a cat, purring, embracing the whole identity. It totally freaks them out.
By embracing the thing meant to shame her, she flips the power dynamic. The label loses its grip.
We see this outside of anime too. A huge example? The word slut. Originally used to shame women for being sexually expressive. But over time, many women began reclaiming the word. Owning it. Using it with pride. Slut walks, slogans, memes—it’s become a symbol of sexual agency and liberation. The same insult, but now it empowers instead of wounds.
And this isn’t a new tactic.
Take the song “Yankee Doodle.” It was originally a British insult meant to mock American colonists—painting them as unsophisticated and ridiculous. But instead of rejecting it, the colonists adopted the song. Marched to it. Sang it loud. That’s when the insult lost its edge, and the power flipped.
So this begs the question:
How do you actually do that?
How do you embrace something that feels painful or humiliating or negative?
That’s what we’re going to break down today.
Step 1: Name the Wound (Awareness)
You can’t transform what you’re unwilling to name.
Start by identifying something that makes you feel small, ashamed, or uncomfortable.
Maybe it’s a label people call you.
Maybe it’s a part of yourself you’ve tried to hide.
Maybe it’s a fear—of being “too much,” or “not enough,” or “never chosen.”
Literally think to yourself:
“Oh. I feel X about Y.”
“I feel ashamed of being too emotional.”
“I feel afraid of how little money I have.”
“I feel embarrassed when people call me a failure.”
Name it. Witness it. That’s where the shift begins.
Step 2: Understand the Power Game
Ask yourself:
“What is this label or experience trying to do to me?”
If people always call you “too much,” maybe what they’re really doing is trying to shrink you—make you more palatable. More convenient.
If you feel shame around being broke, maybe the power game is rooted in a culture that equates worth with wealth—like your value drops when your bank account does.
You’re not just feeling bad by accident. There’s a power move happening. Once you see it, you can stop playing by its rules.
Step 3: Reclaim the Narrative
Here’s where things get powerful.
Ask yourself:
“What if I chose this experience? What might it mean then?”
This isn’t about blaming yourself—it’s about changing the story.
Let’s say you feel unsafe around money. What if that struggle taught you resilience? What if learning how to stretch a dollar actually made you more creative, more strategic, more resourceful than someone who’s always been comfortable?
Or maybe you’ve been called a slut. If you chose that word, if you embraced it, maybe it’s a symbol of your autonomy. Maybe it means your sexuality belongs to you—not to anyone else’s judgment or shame.
And this isn’t just something I’ve seen in clients or culture—I’ve lived it too.
When I was younger, I hated being called cute. I didn’t want to be soft or delicate—I wanted to be handsome. Manly. “Cute” felt like an insult, like I wasn’t enough.
But over time, I started to embrace my soft boy side.
And what I found was freedom.
I stopped chasing someone else’s version of masculinity and started crafting my own version of beauty—one that actually felt right for me. Now, when someone calls me cute, it doesn’t sting. It feels true. It feels like home.
That’s what reclaiming does. It brings you home to yourself.
Step 4: Say It With Power (Repetition)
Here’s the thing: this won’t flip overnight.
There’s a phrase in neuroscience: neurons that fire together, wire together. You’ve had a negative association with this word or idea for a long time. It’s going to take time to rewrite it. You need reps.
So in the “slut” example, start using the word in your new, empowering way. Journal about it. Say it out loud. Wear it like a crown.
Or in the money example, commit to an experiment:
“I’m going to take one bold financial risk per month for the next three months and see what happens.”
Each time you take action, you’re training your brain to associate the old shame trigger with a new sense of choice and strength.
Step 5: Connect With Community
You don’t have to do this alone.
Find support—friends, coaches, communities—who see you through this new lens. Who can remind you of your power when the old narrative tries to pull you back in.
You can also look at others who’ve walked this path. Who else has reclaimed this word, this label, this experience? Seek out their stories.
Or schedule a free 50-minute session with me. I’d love to help you take the first steps in rewriting your story and stepping into your power.
Step 6: Let It Evolve—or Let It Go
Here’s the beautiful part:
Once you’ve reclaimed something, you get to decide what you want to do with it.
If the word “slut” becomes a compliment to you—amazing. Keep using it.
If money no longer makes you anxious—great. Now you’re free to build, save, spend however you choose.
Reclamation isn’t about clinging. It’s about agency. You get to choose your relationship with the thing that used to define you.
So if you’re wondering what this could look like in your life, here’s the roadmap:
Name the Wound
Understand the Power Game
Reclaim the Narrative
Say it with Power
Connect with Community
Let it Evolve—or Let it Go
And remember: this is a practice. Not a one-time fix.
What if the parts of you that felt “too much” were never too much at all?
What if the words that used to hurt could become your banner?
What if healing isn’t about fixing yourself—but about seeing yourself more clearly, and deciding to love what you see?
If you're ready to start that process, I’d be honored to walk with you. Schedule a free 50-minute session with me.
With care and service,
Sean